Some thoughts on the terrifying world known as dating

So.  Here's what's going on in my "love life" as they call it.  I met a guy.  He's a really nice guy, taller than me, attractive, clever, interesting, and I just like him.  Cool.  But now we enter the strange nether world that is gender dating dynamics (bonus! at BYU!).  See, I like this guy so my thought is "I should ask him out!"  You know, dates? That really awesome way you can spend some prearranged time with someone you think is cool to learn more about them and decide if you want to spend even more time together to the point where it isn't even prearranged anymore.  And they are learning about you and deciding the same things about you too.  Dates are cool!  Smooches might happen!

Pretty much every guy that I've ever discussed the issue with has come out strongly in favor of girls asking guys out.  They complain that girls have it easy, they don't have to deal with all that rejection and stress and pressure.  They just get to sit back and let all the boys come to them.  And then, of course, they hold all the power.  Who isn't familiar with "nice guy" syndrome?  It's become a very popular topic of conversation on the internet lately.  Nice Guys feel that women are just constantly shutting down perfectly decent dudes because they don't think they're attractive enough; they think they're "creepy" (a catchall word women have basically just turned into an excuse not to go out with a guy); they're just too dang picky; or my favorite...they guy is just too nice and secretly all women love douchbags.  In short, maybe if women started shouldering their fair share of the burden of asking out then they'd realize they need to start giving more guys a chance.

All of this adds up to a pretty clear vote in favor of me asking him out, right?  Oh but wait...

See, I've always been in favor of pretty blunt honesty.  The few times in my life that a bloke has really struck my fancy I generally have been pretty up front about it.  I'm not good at subtlety and I don't like when there's something everyone knows but no one is allowed to talk about.  So if I want to spend time with someone I have no problem being the one to do the asking.  I should be every man's dream girl, right?

But do you know what happens?  I invite a guy to watch a movie or grab dinner or whatever and he gets all kinds of awkward.  Suddenly I'm that freaky, over-aggressive girl who is socially awkward and a little stalker-ish.  Everyone knows one of those girls.  It's like Caleb said today when I asked him how he feels about the girl being the one to do the asking.  He said "I'm ok with it...as long as I like the girl."   Cause see, when guys say they want girls to ask them out, what they really mean is that they'd really like the girls they're interested in to ask them out.  When the girls they aren't interested in ask them out then suddenly it's "Whoa!  What is she doing?  Why is she asking me out?  I never gave her any reason to think I was interested in her.  Why is she forcing me choose between being a jerk and being polite?..."

The thing about that reaction...it's exactly the same thing that is going through a girl's mind when a guy she isn't interested in asks her out.  But what's funny is that guys don't have to deal with it nearly as often as women, so they a have a much poorer response.  It doesn't occur to them that it is possible for them decline politely and kindly.  Instead they freak out, get insanely awkward, and make the offending girl feel like a troll.  (Admittedly, some girls do this too...)

There is some merit to the idea that everyone should be willing to give nice people a chance.  You may not be initially attracted to someone, but I can attest to the fact that you can also find someone more attractive the more you get to know them.  But there's also both a book and a movie called "He's just not that into you"   for a reason.  Because the fact is, if you don't fancy someone you don't fancy them.  Don't be a Nice Guy (or a Nice Girl...they exist).  People are allowed to just not be into you and it is ok.

What I'm saying is this.  Guys, if you want girls to take some more initiative then maybe try to let go some of the stigma that get's associated with an assertive girl.  If she asks you out that doesn't mean she's "aggressive" or a stalker.  I mean, she might be, but the fact that she asked you out should not be the only evidence you have.  And this last bit applies to everyone.  Just calm down.  Asking someone on a date does not need to be such a big deal.  It doesn't mean anything at all besides the fact that someone thinks you're kind of cool and would like to get to know you better.  Which shouldn't be a bad thing.  It should be a compliment.