Now, I'm not talking about the relationships themselves. I am still enough of an idealist that I do believe that two people can fall crazily in love and have a great, soul-mate-esque relationship. Sure, I don't think it happens in one to seven days, and I think it takes a hell of a lot more work than the movies imply. But I still believe in love, though that belief has been somewhat abused of late.
No. The lie isn't the relationships. It's the story arc. The "happily ever after." The thematic assumption that people are "meant" to be together or that things will "work out in the end." As the delightful Miss Prism says, "The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means!"
Years of watching these movies, beginning with Cinderella and continuing with He's Just Not That Into You, have taught me one thing: if you want something to work out reeeeeeal bad and you have the patience to wait through all of the (pardon my language) shit then eventually it will happen. He'll fall in love with you; you'll get exactly the job you've been wanting; your relationship with your mother will suddenly improve without you having to give up your habit of bitterly sarcastic witty banter. Notice I said "wait" not "wade". Through little to no effort on your part these miraculous blessings will fall into your lap as a reward for your...what? Your patience? Your blind, stubborn stupidity?
Because guess what people; if you wait long enough the good aren't going to automatically end up happily and the bad unhappily. That's not the way life works. Sometimes, no matter how badly you want something and how much you think you deserve it, the world doesn't bend to your will. He doesn't ever "wake up" and realize you're the girl he's been looking for right here in front of him; Scholastic doesn't discover your resume at the top of the pile and call you up to offer you a job as their editor in chief; and your mother doesn't learn to get over those pesky hurt feelings of hers and appreciate how dang funny you are.
A lot of my life has been spent waiting for those rewards to come. Waiting for God or the universe or whoever it is who metes out cosmic justice to notice that I've put my hours in and it's time for things to work out. Working out is a lie. It's ironic, really, since I just had a debate with a friend of mine about how much I hate the "it was/wasn't meant to be" philosophy. As Aunt Woo says to Aang, "you create your own destiny." Things aren't meant to be or not be. They just are.
I think the key is recognizing which destiny is which. Waiting for things in my life to "work out"; suffering through the misery while they were distinctly un-worked...that seemed like me trying to create my own destiny. But it was just waiting. Waiting for a destiny I'd picked out for myself and thought I deserved to happen. Hoping that my "patience" in enduring things that I couldn't actually control would be counted as effort and that I could will my way into the happily ever after that I really wanted. Picking circumstances isn't quite the same thing as picking destiny. I can choose to be happy and I can work towards that happiness, but I don't get to pick exactly how it's going to happen. Wanting it to be this way real bad doesn't mean that it is the way it's going to be.
So I guess it is time for me to give up waiting for things that I may want, but can't actually control. My circumstances are never going to be changed by my wishing they were different. And tenaciously hanging on to hopes that have no reason to exist doesn't earn me metaphysical brownie points to eventually be cashed in for karmic prizes. My life is as it is right now. I shouldn't resent some of my greatest blessings simply because they aren't quite the ones that I wanted. Instead I'm going to work on changing myself rather than waiting for the world to change to fit me. All that energy I put into enduring I'm going to try to redirect into growing. It's going to be hard, but I'm hopeful.
Amen sister. It really is frustrating to feel that way. I know I do often. As many girls I want people to just know intuitively what I need and what my dreams are meant to be, but sometimes people and the world at whole are just not that intuitive. I imagine that if we are all waiting and hoping to get what we want, no one will be paying attention to make things happen- for themselves and others. In certain aspects of life I lower my expectations for things so that I am delightfully surprised instead of disappointed. It seems to work better that way. Its a fine balance. Anyways, thanks for sharing this post!!
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