A Declaration of Self

I debated for a long while whether or not I wanted to post this, and then whether or not I wanted to post all of it.  But, obviously, in the end I decided to share it exactly as I wrote it because most of the time I choose not to say the thing I want to say and I don't know if that is the right decision always.  So this time I'm saying it and we'll see what happens.  This post is dedicated to a good friend of mine, that he may do with it what he wishes:

I have amazing friends.  Amazing, brilliant, ambitious friends who plan to go out into the world and set it on fire.  I have friends who plan on going and putting out those fires when they get out of control.  I look at my friends and I know that the future of this world is in good hands. 

But that’s not me.  When the time comes for that conversation and everyone is laying out their Lives of Awesomeness I am content to let them talk.  Because I plan on living a small life. 

A small life, not to be confused with an unimportant life, is one concerned with small things.  It is not a life that takes in the grand sweep of politics and the swirling world-governing laws of science.  It is a life centered on people.  A life centered on my future family.  A life that may travel the world, but will never move it—at least, not overtly. 

Perhaps the most inflammatory essay I ever wrote centered on the two different types of civic involvement.  I referenced the schools of thought of W.E.B. Dubois and Booker T. Washington from the Civil Rights Era (I was, at the time, applying these philosophies to issues of feminism).  Dubois was a staunch advocate of aggressive and even violent change.  If the world isn’t right then you scream and kick and shove until it is.  Make people notice you.  Make people notice the problem.  Make people change!  Washington, on the other hand, espoused almost the polar opposite policy.  If the world isn’t right then tuck in and do the best you can.  Work hard, live right by yourself, and eventually people will notice.  Right comes out in the end. 

Then and now I unabashedly align myself with Washington.  I am so glad that we have Duboisians and I am so glad that I do not have to be one of them.  Both are, I think, required to change the world and it is for that reason that I feel no embarrassment, shame, or guilt for my lifestyle.

And what, exactly, is my lifestyle?  It is a life in progress.  I am not perfect, in fact I am so far from it that I don’t think I could see perfect with one of those telescopes that they use to look at planets in other galaxies. 

But I am trying to, and mostly succeeding in, being happy.

I live a life that revolves around books and movies and jokes and thinking and most importantly of all, my life revolves around the people I love.  Those of you who know me the best hopefully know that that is true.  I live life on an individual basis, not a grand scope. 

These are all broad, practically generic statements.  I’m struggling to express myself adequately without getting caught up in unnecessary detail but I feel that doing so is reducing my thoughts to truisms.  I can only assure you that I mean what I say. 

What do I most want to say? 

I know who I am and I am happy with that person.  I have chosen the life that I am leading and I am satisfied with that choice.  I love so many things in this world and I am happy that I get to experience them all and live this small life of mine.  I am so glad that I have the luxury of forming my own future and growing slowly into the person I want to be.

And if my small life doesn’t seem up to par with yours, then you can go to hell.