Chess, Mind games, and Infidelity

I'm in one of those hopelessly romantic moods lately.  They come upon me every now and then--wistful romantic yearnings for the passion that my life so distinctly lacks.  Silly moods.

So inspired, I was on the brink of watching Hugh Jackman in Someone Like You.  He has that great scene where he says everything you ever wished a guy would say to you while looking like...Hugh Jackman.  Plus he's delightfully cocky and annoying throughout the rest of the film.  But I decided to give Netflix one last try before committing... (though it has really disappointed me lately with its "Suggestions for you" ideas)

possibly the most adorable picture of
Hugh Jackman ever taken.  Possibly.

I already had Netflix open from where I was searching, quite fruitlessly, earlier today for something good to watch.  By pure luck, when I opened the tab, there was a movie I swear wasn't there before.  I'd never heard of it before, but it had Kevin Kline who I adore.  It was called Queen to Play, and appeared to be in French.  Kevin Kline speaking French?  I am intrigued...tell me more...

yet another entry into the grand tradition
of really wretched movie posters...

Brief synopsis: a French housewife (Helene) is living a drab life working two cleaning jobs, one at a hotel for a demanding boss, the other for a reclusive widowed professor (Kroger played, of course, by Kevin Kline).  She has an average husband (not amazing, but not a jerk) and a typical teenage daughter.  One day at the hotel she sees a couple on the balcony playing an impressively romantic game of chess.  She becomes intrigued with the game, quickly progressing into full on obsession after she buys an electronic set supposedly for her husband.  But the real turning point in her life is when she boldly asks the professor to teach her how to play.  The rest of the movie details the way her new-found passion changes her life.  Her relationships with her husband and daughter are effected, not to mention her job, and most of all, her relationship with herself.

Certainly the movie is crafted as one of those "self-discovery" movies where a repressed woman learns to love and believe in herself.  Sure.  It served that function perfectly satisfactorily.  This is my beef with those movies though; typically for the woman to "find" herself, she has to have some sort of affair with some random man.  What kind of self discovery is that?  The discovery that you lack integrity?  That is a shitty discovery (pardon my vulgarity, but it is the appropriate word) and if that was what you were out to discover, you should have stayed repressed.  Thus, I generally loathe those movies.  (This is where I go on a rant about the movies Serendipity and The Wedding Planner and any other movies based on the idea of infidelity and the fact that when you really really love someone it's ok to cheat on the person you're married to and also happen to only kind of love.  Hmph!)

Alas, this movie pretty much falls into the same family.

but...

About halfway through the movie I almost turned it off.  There was a definite sexual tension developing between Helene and Kroger.  Thus far Kroger has been a disinterested teacher, impressed against his will by her dedication and talent.  But one day they get caught up playing and discover that the day has passed them by and it is well past Helene's usual time of departure.  No big deal...except instead of going home Helene decides to stay and they have a drink.  They sit...they talk...they stop talking...and still she stays, just staring levelly at him.  Eventually you see him start getting ideas.  You really can't blame him.  She just keeps staring at him.  Just as he's about to say something, however, she gets up.  A moment later she is standing in front of a picture of his wife and he joins her.  He reaches up and touches a strand of hair and asks if she changed it.  Yes she has...and she'd better go home now.  Yes, yes she probably should...

That is usually the point where I start getting annoyed and turn the movie off.  I really don't tolerate unfaithfulness.  But I found myself in an interesting predicament.  Not only did I want to see how it all ended, but I really wasn't sure how it would.  So I kept watching.

Just so you know, the only person Helene has sex with during the movie is her husband (and lest you worry, you don't see much...the movie is rated PG).  That being said, I still would definitely say Helene cheats on her husband.  But I was fascinated with the nature of her infidelity--she has an affair of the mind, rather than one of the body.

The idea of cheating is definitely overt.  Her husband gets suspicious and follows her at one point, expecting to see her and Kroger in the midst of an embrace and is bewildered to see them sit down at the chess board.  He confronts her later and declares he'd almost rather she was having an affair.  It is clear that what is being seduced is not her flesh, but her mind.  The two of them, Kroger and Helene, are both excited by the stimulation the other gives to their mind.  Kroger several times refers to the rest of the world as idiots, pointedly excluding her from this condemnation.  Helene tries to share the game with her husband but he simply can't understand it, so as she says to Kroger, she doesn't know who else but him to play with.  And she must play.

This mental attraction is the temptation for Helene.  Her husband clearly offers her no such stimulation.  Thus, the sexual tension between her and Kroger really only serves to reinforce the connection which already has developed between their minds.  This is really brought home first in Helene's chess tournament.  Neither Kroger nor her husband come (her husband actually waits anxiously outside, terrified that she'll make a fool of herself or that his presence will "throw her off"), but it is Kroger she searches for, and then Kroger she sees in her mind's eye as she plays.  The viewer sees him at home, seemingly playing the game with her, and she sees him across the table from her giving her advice.  Truly, these two have become one.  She never even misses her husband.

In the end they do consummate their relationship.  But in following with it's very nature, it is not a physical union, but a mental one. Of course.  At the end of the movie she is at Kroger's house for the last time, telling him about her plans to go and compete at a tournament in Paris.  He is sitting in a chair and she is sitting on the arm.  Their talk turns to principles he's taught her, and then they play a "blind game", that is they play without a board or pieces, simply imagining the game and speaking their moves.  It was, without a doubt, one of the most intimate scenes I've ever seen in my life.  When the scene abruptly cuts to a shot of her kissing him and walking away, it seems natural that the sexual tension between them is now relaxed.  They've already come together, so their physical relationship, again secondary to the mental, would be much easier.

no pictures of their kiss, so I figured I'd go back to
Hugh Jackman...cause everyone likes seeing him kiss

As I said, I was fascinated with this depiction of infidelity.  Why?  Because it is a kind you rarely hear about but one which is just as dangerous.  And if, somehow, I were ever to be unfaithful, it would be like this.  The fact is, when you get married your spouse becomes your partner not just physically (and by that I mean with money, division of labor, and any other physical needs besides just sex), but mentally and emotionally as well.  Really, all of these different elements work together.  I was talking to a married friend the other day about the way physical intimacy reinforced her emotional intimacy with her husband in a way that conversation never could.  But it goes in reverse.  If all you have is a physical relationship and no emotional or mental investment then you will find yourself with no relationship at all.

Clearly, then, it is vital to remember that not only must you keep your physical lusts in check, but also your mental ones.  However.  Even more important, I would say, is this: every bit as appealing as sex is mental stimulation, possibly even more so.  Thus, it is far better, I think, to find someone with whom you can share that intellectual bond to begin with rather than fight the seduction of an extramarital bond with someone else afterward.

Really that is one of my greatest fear as I look for a husband.  I'm terrified that one day, five, ten, or twenty years from now, I'll realize that I'm terribly terribly bored.  In fact, I have to stop myself getting interested in guys who are clearly far more work than anyone should ever wish for themselves just because I think they have the potential to hold my attention long term as I try to deal with them.  That is not a healthy attitude and I'm trying to stop it.

And with that I shall leave you.  Again, I've not really come to any conclusions, just meandered about pondering aloud on things.  The joy of a blog I guess.  As for the movie, I must confess that upon infidelity though it was based, I somehow ended up liking it.  I would suggest it to anyone who enjoys foreign films.  If you are one of those people, go look it up on Netflix...

More Pad Thai and Dog Hair...

...but not together.

Not that it is particularly helpful, but in my ongoing quest for the best Thai food in Provo, I decided to try a Thai restaurant down here in Phoenix.  I'm down visiting my dad, and my step-mom is out of town, so it's been dinner out every night.  I figured, why waste a great opportunity for Thai food, right?  So I looked up the best Thai restaurants in Chandler (the suburb where my dad actually lives) and found The Mint Thai Cafe (be warned, the site plays a little blurb of music when you click on it).  It was not the number one rated Thai restaurant, that one was too far away.  But it was a pretty well rated one.  Plus, my dad said he'd been there before and thought it was good.  So away we went.

It was...fine.  I mean, the food was good.  I got my traditional Pad Thai and dad got something called "Siamese Twins" (I find the hyper Asian stereotyped names these places come up with to be vaguely insulting...to pretty much everyone involved) that involved bamboo shoots and coconut and green beans.  I advised him to get this dish  based on the existence of green beans which, as everyone knows, are the world's greatest vegetable.  I couldn't try much of his because it was spicy and I'm a complete pansy when it comes to hot food.  But what I tasted in my one bite before my tongue started writhing was very good.  Mark up another win for green beans.

My Pad Thai was also pretty good.  The flavor of the sauce was quite nice, though I find I prefer my Pad Thai a little juicier than most people make it.  These guys went quite dry, even more than usual.  But there was plenty of chicken and even egg, which I do appreciate since it adds a bit of variety to a dish that can get a little monotonous.  When I asked for my side of lime the woman brought me a dish of lemon slices.  Apparently the only lime they had wasn't looking too fresh and she didn't want to give it to me.  I appreciate that I guess.  The waitress herself was a little eccentric, but pretty good I think.  All in all, I found The Mint Thai Cafe to be satisfactory.  Decent food, decent service, decent prices.  Probably, if I ever get Thai food down here again I'll try a different place.  But if you ever need a place to have dinner and you're craving Thai, you could do much worse than eat there.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

this is what I found when I did an image search for dog hair...
not really want I wanted, but too dang cute to pass up

Visiting my dad is quite an endeavor.  You see, my dad and my step-mom own five dogs (plus my cat, which he's now trying to tell me belongs to my step-brother...pshaw...).  Cristy has a thing for Corgis, so they have four of them, plus an older, giant German Shepherd.  All of the dogs are pretty good tempered and since they're corgis it's not as if they can really jump up on your nice clean shirt.  However, all five of them are indoor dogs, all with permission to exist on the furniture.  This all means that at any given moment, pretty much every surface in the house has dog hair on it.  I find the ubiquity of dog hair in this place to be...somewhat trying.  I don't want to go to church and spend the first 20 minutes trying to pick all the hair off my skirt.  

I have found my intense dislike of doghair generally translates into a dislike of the dogs which produce it.  Any time my dad's dogs try to insinuate themselves into my affections I push them callously away.  See, that's one thing I don't like about dogs.  They try too hard to get you to love them.  Everyone knows you shouldn't be desperate for friends...  Cats, on the other hand, do a very good job of exuding the "Yes, I know you're responsible for my daily food and water, but don't let that fool you into thinking I wouldn't eat you if you died..." (this is a fact.  house cats will eat the body of their deceased owner if they run out of food...).  The point is that dogs, unlike cats, are just desperate for you to love them.  Hence, the moment I sit down on the couch at least one of the dogs will jump up next to me and lay his head in my lap and look up at me appealingly as if to ask me "Now really...how can you say no to real, legitimate puppy eyes???"  

I have managed to rebuff these efforts now for several years, but this year I find myself faltering a little.  One of the dogs is quite old and goes by the name of Jax.  He doesn't force himself on me, he just comes and quietly sits nearby just in case I should decided to pat his head.  He has taken, on this visit, to sleeping in my bedroom, not on the bed, just in a corner.  To be honest, I feel like I'm being courted by someone who is keenly aware of the sort of courtship I would not be able to resist.  I feel weak that I'm succumbing to his charms.  But at the same time...it's just a dog.  Everyone loves dogs (or at least cats or birds...whatever you have as a pet).  It does not reflect poorly on me because I happen to also like dogs.  After all, I love my kitty unabashedly.  So I guess I'll grudgingly accept Jax as my friend...