A musical interlude

Somehow, I can go from a morning spent listening to this, to an afternoon accompanied with this.  And I love all of it.

(incidentally, while searching youtube for the second video I mistakenly typed in "Heartbreaker" instead of "Troublemaker" and discovered this little gem.  I need to own this song! :-D )

Core Values

Ever since I can remember my mother has always stressed to me the need to be "thoughtful".  This was her "thing", if you will.  Did your parents have a thing?  You know, that one thing that they stressed above everything else.  Always my mother was saying things like "Don't forget to be thoughtful."  "That wasn't a very thoughtful thing to do, was it?"  "The most important thing is just to be thoughtful."

"Being thoughtful" covered a myriad of things for my mother.  Sometimes it was small, like anticipating that mom will need the hot-pad right next to your hand when she is taking the roast out of the oven and handing it to her instead of making her come across the kitchen to get it.  Or going to help bring in the groceries without being asked.  Other times it was much larger.  When my mom married my step-father we took to him right away.  We were practically calling him dad before they were even married.  But my mom thought that might be a difficult thing for my father.  So she told us we ought not call our step-father "dad" around our real father.  We should always refer to him as "Larry" in consideration of our father's feelings.  I personally felt (and still feel to this day) that this was a bit over-kill.  But that's the kind of person my mom is.  For her it was all about putting yourself in another person's shoes, understanding their wants and needs, and to the best of your ability, making life easier for them.  Often at your own expense.


This lifelong training from my mother has influenced me in many many ways, some of which I'm sure I'm not even aware of yet.  Though I don't think I live up to her standard of thoughtful behavior yet, I am hopeful that one day I will.  However, though I will strive my whole life to live up to my mother's example, the fact of the matter is that being thoughtful was her thing.  I must discover for myself what it is that my children will hear over and over again as they grow up

I suppose we all must have certain core beliefs that rest beneath everything else that we are, shaping us from the foundation up.  Each of us have dearly held virtues that inform every decision we make and are the last bastion of our souls; untouchable and sacred.  It may seem odd to couch my mother's preoccupation with being thoughtful in such terms, but when you look at the sum of her life thus far, you see that truly, such it is.  The trick of such beliefs is that they lie so deeply rooted in our hearts that often we little realize what an influence they hold over us, and therefore how dear they are to us.


It has recently become clear to me, however, that I have one of these core values and that it truly does influence virtually every aspect of my life.  Over the last two or three months I have had several conversations/experiences/interactions that have emphasized over and over again the immense value I place on the idea of Commitment.

Like my mother, I fit many things under my particular soap-box.  People, ideas, values, life-styles, behaviors.  Everything can be traced back to commitment in my world.  Unfortunately, I seem to see less and less understanding of this idea in those around me.  The contemporary concept of "personal freedom" has mutated into an almost religious devotion to the "right to change your mind".  Perhaps it is a reach, but to me, a failure to understand commitment leads to an inability to accept the principle of consequences.  And it seems like so many people today suffer from both.  No one wants to commit to anything; they don't want to commit to their partner, they don't want to commit to their religion, they don't want to commit to their morality, they don't even want to commit to their job or identity.  They always want a back door, just in case things get unpleasant.

I have spent enough of my life in the wasteland of the undecided.  I make decisions now and I commit to them, consequences included.  I choose who I want to be, how I want to act, and what I want to believe, and then I proceed according to that decision.  This is not to advocate close-mindedness or an inability to process new information.  I am firmly dedicated to the idea that no human being can ever have complete understanding, and to assume that you do is to damn your life more thoroughly than any convict or drug addict ever dreamed.  One ought to always keeps the mind open and accepting.  What I advocate is something a little bit different.  

While, as I say, I apply commitment to nearly everything in my life, the facet of this principle with which I am most concerned, most of the time, is commitment as it relates to people.  Being a student at BYU, land of eternal marriage, lends its own slant to the issue of course.  All I have to say on this front is that it is, perhaps, a good thing that I have, thus far, avoided actual relationships.  For, having entered in to one, it seems likely that I would find it monumentally difficult, yea nigh unto impossible to get myself back out.  And since, as I love to point out, every relationship is doomed to failure until the one that isn't, I think it may be best for someone of my particular mentality to keep the number as low as is humanly possible.


But, believe it or not, there are other relationships in life besides romantic ones.  I know, it is hard to accept.  But it is true.  And commitment is just as much a factor in friendships as it is in romances.  I often wonder why it is that I continue putting forth so much effort into some friendships when it is clear that I am the only one who feels such a compulsion.  You can guess the answer.  It applies, however, not just to the friend, but also to my idea of what a good friend ought to be.  


As always, I've written far more than was really necessary.  However, I think that understanding things like this about ourselves and those around us is so important.  Can you really ever communicate or connect with someone if you misunderstand their most fundamental beliefs?  I really don't think you can.  So I would like to know, then...what are YOUR core values?  What runs right through your heart?