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Saturday, November 24, 2012

Gratitude and stuff...


Things for which I am grateful:

  • My hair
    • That I have it
    • That it is long enough for me to braid, both in the French style and the notFrench style
    • That it is in moderately good condition and doesn't look like Yetti hair
guys, the Yettis had warrior's wolftails!
  • My car
    • It does run….most of the time
    • It plays the music
    • It gets gas mileage
  • My laptop
  • Paper
    • For to draw
    • For to write letters
    • For to make origami
    • For to light fires
    • For to make into a wad

  • Massages
    • Do you really require more words about this?
  • Food
  • Sleep
    • Sometimes it happens
    • Sometimes it doesn't
  • My job
    • My boss
      • That he's one of my best friends
      • That he has a very generous concept of personal property
      • That he is very very good at bossing and usually doesn't get impatient or annoyed (visibly) with me
      • That he willingly helps me with projects like fixing my laptop
    • My coworker Zack
    • My ever-so-flexible schedule
because sometimes all you can do is lie in a puddle on the floor
but really....this is how flexible my schedule is

    • The money I make
    • The fact that I don't ever have to deal with anyone but Caleb and Zack…no customer service whatsoever!
    • That I have one
    • The innumerable perks of working in a house
      • Kitchen
      • Laundry
      • Daylight
      • Climate control
      • Walk-shoveling opportunities
      • Laundry
    • The opportunity to drive and not feel guilty
    • The SCIENCE!
  • My house
    • Roommates
    • My own room
      • Crazy dance party!!!
    • Bathroom shared with only one other person
    • House!
    • Very reasonable rent
    • Roommates!
    • Ward
      • People are my age
      • Nice people
      • New people
  • Dancing
    • Connection

fun fact: I know these people!  sort of...their names are
Ben and Gretchen and they're phenomenal dancers
(this picture was found here...yet again this guy is blowing me away with his
blues photography)


one of Gingerhaze's feral sweater boys
    • Hats
    • Christmas!
    • New Year's!
  • Life

no, a wholelife
  • People
    • Family
      • Moms, dads, aunts and uncles, nieces, grandparents, siblings, cousins
    • The friends
      • Roommates
        • Old!
        • New!
        • Perpetual, regardless of actual location
      • Pseudo-boyfriends
        • So. many. of. them.
      • Ex-boyfriends
        • Not mine

can't let these things go to waste
      • Domestic goddesses
      • The slightly damaged (most often in the brain, but I'm not picky)
      • The listeners
  • Smarts
  • Not being in school
  • Independence
  • Memory
    • Real
    • Not as real
  • Eyes
    • Even ones that work as poorly as these ones

    • Things that make my defective eyes work correctly

  • science
    • Cars
    • Airplanes
    • Microwaves/ovens
    • Toothbrushes
    • Teflon
    • Google
for science!
please look at all the other things here

  • Beauty
  • Silliness

because ridiculous word play is what makes life worth living
  • Feelings
  • Humor
  • Privacy
  • Singing
  • Writing

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Soul of a Story: Lessons learned from Sunshine

I just finished reading Robin McKinley's Sunshine for the fifth or sixth time.  Every time I reread it it pulls me right back in, even though by now I know exactly what's coming--there are no more surprises left.  Nevertheless, from about the point where Constantine reappears for a second time, I am sucked into the sort of trance that leads to extremely late nights and ditched commitments.  Part of it is the joy of experiencing (at least somewhat vicariously) a new and different world.  It is that sort of book I find myself constantly coming back to, and, I think, a major part of my love of fantasy and science fiction - genres whose entire heart and soul rest upon world-building.  But even the more mundane worlds will do--the vivid charming, and scatterbrained world of Anne Shirley, or the beautiful, treacherous, moralistic world of Elnora Comstock; Victor Hugo's Paris, or Charles Dickens' London; all my favorite books share an ability to engross me in their worlds and call me back if I've stayed away too long.  In books I am able to enter the minds and experiences of the characters.  I can see through multiple perspectives and feel with multiple selves -- a feat I have yet to achieve in reality, though certainly not through lack of trying.  Literature grants me one of my dearest wishes - to get inside the heads of those I care about and to understand what they're thinking.  Sure, the people I'm caring about in these instances are fictional characters, but try telling me that in the moment.  Anyone who's fallen in love with Colonel Brandon, or Elnora Comstock, or Jean Valjean knows that their persistent lack of corporeal form certainly makes them no less real to us.  It simply makes loving them more painful.  A relative or a friend who passes away at least did exist once and you have your memories and your physical connections to them.  A character in a story might be said to live forever, but not in the way that matters to the grieving reader who just finished the book.  That character became a real, complete person in your head who, upon closing that back cover, you're forced to give up; to deny; to remember he or she is merely a figment of your (and the author's) imagination.  And as the prolific existence of sequels and fan fiction tell us, it is a hard and painful loss.  Anyone who has gotten lost in a story knows, just a little I think, the disorientation and pain a schizophrenic might feel upon being told that his delusions were the product of his mind alone.

It is that sort of immersive experience that keeps me coming back to Sunshine.  Even knowing how it all works out and exactly what's going to happen, I still get invested in it.  I care about Sunshine and Constantine.  Not just care about--I feel like I know them.  Even a character so carefully framed to be alien as Con.  The story may be written from Sunshine's point of view and Con may be an impenetrable enigma to her, but to me he makes perfect sense.  This is what I mean when I say that a character is created out of both the author's and the reader's imaginations.  And this is the inverse blessing of fiction; if a character never truly existed then the way he or she exists in your head truly is who they are.  No matter how much detail and how many specifics the author give you in the story (and no matter how completely formed that character is in the author's mind) the fact is that there can never be enough detail in a book or poem or song or movie to tell you who that person is.  Not completely.  You, the audience, are given the outlines, like the empty lines in a coloring book, and then you fill in the rest.  You supply the details, emotions, and motivations that make that character so very real to you.  Thus, he or she becomes at least partly yours.  My Colonel Brandon, my Frodo, or my Constantine are unique from those of my roommates, my mother, my best friend, and the author.  These characters are made up of me, of what I put in them.  And, as my own personal ethereal literary friends, they are just as...accurate as my roommates', mother's, friend's, and the author's versions -- because none of them were ever real to begin with.  There is a particular empathy that avid readers possess - the ability to invest life and reality into fictional people - and I wonder if it is a lack of that ability, that empathy, that divides the non-readers from our ranks?

It was not, however, this investment of personal reality into fiction that most occupied me during this most recent reading of Sunshine.  Rather it was a heightened awareness, a running analysis even, of the actual mechanics of McKinley's writing.  How was she telling this story?  In stereotypically girly fashion, one of my favorite aspects of this story is the tantalizing hints of romance between Sunshine and Constantine.  (We're not talking Edward and Bella here - one of McKinley's greatest strengths as a storyteller is her sense of subtlety and implication)  But I realized, somewhat to my surprise, that McKinley manages something truly amazing in her story; she makes me either forget or simply not care about the implications of that relationship in terms of the consequences to Sunshine's relationship with Mel, a relationship that I am certainly invested in, even if it is not quite to the extent of my investment in her and Constantine.  Those of you who know me or have read this blog know my opinions on infidelity and that "strong" hardly begins to do them justice.  So my lack of concern over this implied potential infidelity all these years fascinated me.  How had McKinley managed to completely subvert my attention  from a theme I am usually so very attentive to?  So I read with heightened attention to the structure of the story itself.  I discovered that I, as the reader, didn't consider the issue because it is never alluded to as such in the book, either by the narrator herself or simply by the structure of her world.  There is, at one point, a narrowly averted sexual encounter between the two (Sunshine and Constantine), and while Sunshine does spend exhaustive amounts of time analyzing the morality of that event and her entire relationship with Con, the conflict comes from the fact that she, as a human, is choosing to consort with him, a vampire.  Never once does she consider her relationship with Con in any sort of connection to her and Mel.  Even in the very brief moment that another person sees her with Constantine and it is alluded to that he, as a male, might pose some sort of threat to Mel it is treated as a joke and instantly forgotten.

I was very intrigued by this...essentially this choice to ignore what would generally be considered a fairly major issue.  As I read I came across others-- rather than deal with the consequences of the climactic battle (or smaller issues, like her avoidance of the fetch put on her) the book simply ends.  Conflicts with Sunshine's mother are referenced, but never actually explained or even shown.  As I was reading, these omissions felt like...cheating?  I felt like McKinley simply didn't talk about things that were "too hard."  But as a finished the book, high on my vicarious-experience buzz, I suddenly wondered "is that necessarily bad?"

That is to say, the more I thought about this book, others of McKinley's books I've previously read, stories in general, and the idea of "cheating" in telling them, I had to acknowledge that it just wasn't that simple.  In a story told in first person like this one, you are bound by certain constraints - namely, you can only share what your narrator would, his or her self, think, know, and say.  You can, of course, get around this to some extent with external stimulus; (the most obvious example being another character who simply asks necessary questions) nevertheless, it is certainly a valid limitation.  In this case, the fact that Sunshine never considered the issue of her potential infidelity to Mel can tell us several different possible things about her --most of which lend themselves to a quite feminist-y reading of her character.

Additionally, inclusion and exclusion are incredibly effective means to highlight certain information and to direct your reader's attention.  I've always maintained that J.R.R. Tolkien's complete silence on the plight of Frodo and Sam during the entire first half of The Two Towers was an absolutely brilliant movie.  He manages to inspire the same fear, anxiety, and burning curiosity to know what's going on in his readers that Gandalf and the rest of the fellowship are all feeling.  What you don't say can actually say quite a lot.  On the other hand, if you don't want your readers to be distracted by extraneous information the best way is simply not to bring it up.  I wrote a post about The Dark Knight Rises and my opinion that one of its greatest strengths was the way it took up a lot the consequences that were ignored or sidestepped in The Dark Knight.  The fact is, if Christopher Nolan had paused now and then to, say, show an angry car owner shaking his fist at Batman as his Prius was demolished it would have distracted from the primary focus of the movie -- even if it had added to the realism.  Those questions and issues were better saved for a different movie.  And so it is with Sunshine.

In the story McKinley created those questions of mine were peripheral and unimportant.  The primary conflict was Sunshine's understanding of her own identity and the then the conflict between Bo and her and Constantine.  These other issues, such as her relationship with Con, with Mel, with her mother, and even with  the SOF, while important, are things better saved for a second novel.  Which, I suppose, brings us all the way back to the beginning of this blog post.  I began by describing the experience of becoming immersed in a story and characters and the mourning that comes when you must leave them behind.  Perhaps, in the end, my "issues" with McKinley's writing, as I reread this familiar story, were actually my long-felt annoyance that she has yet to revisit this world and give me an update on how my old friends are doing....

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A New TV Obsession...

Matt has been telling me I ought to watch Once Upon A Time for a while now.  This weekend was pretty intense for me, so by Sunday afternoon I just wanted something to distract me and keep my mind occupied so I figured I'd finally give it a try.  Tonight I finished the first episode of the second season, which started on Sunday.  That means that in about two and a half days I watched 23 episodes.  This is why I'm always cautious about letting myself get sucked into new TV shows.
because my brain doing the obsessive equivalent of this is also pretty dangerous...
If you don't know, Once Upon A Time was one of two shows that came out last year that are based on the idea of fairytales in the real world.  The other is Grimm, which apparently was darker and a little bit more subtle.  Haven't watched Grimm and I probably wont.  Once tells the story of Storybrook, a town populated by all the characters of your favorite fairy tales and children's stories (they do branch out from traditional fairy tales with characters like Mulan and the Mad Hatter).  They have been brought into our world, their memories of their former lives erased, by a curse from an evil queen.  Emma Swan, daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, was the only one spared from the curse and is the only one who can break it and restore the townspeople to their happily ever afters.  The first season centers on Emma, her arrival in Storybrook, and the breaking of the curse.
is it just me or does blond hair just not look right on her?
have a picture of the Mat Hatter too.  Because he's beautiful with perfect hair,
magnificent three piece suits, and delicious guylined puppydog eyes.
While Once, pretty predictably, suffers from some problems with logic and logistics, I think that overall it is a really really well done show.  Matt was quick to point out that it is written by two of the Lost writers (Lost is a show he's been lobbying for me to watch for over a year now) and I think I can see the family resemblance.  There are plenty of twists and big reveals and mysteries.  But what has really impressed me is the quality of the basic storytelling.  I feel like so many TV shows are more concerned with those twists and surprises and keeping people hooked on overinflated drama than they are on actually telling really good stories.  Once, on the other hand, kept up a decent level of storytelling, sometimes caving to cliched plot devices or purely "gotcha!" twists, but overall utilizing some very good thematic development.  Part of this, I think, is a result of the principle of constraint. Which is a principle I just made up, but it's still valid.  Basically, if you tell someone to write a story about anything they'll think a while and then they'll come up with some random story that probably won't be much good and probably will be kind of generic.  If instead, however, you tell them to write you a story using the phrase "Oh, I don't need the dishes", contains a pair of tweezers, and takes place in one single late night then you'll get something rather more interesting (if any of you would like to write me that story, please do and email it to me).  In this case, the constraint was to tell a story fundamentally based on magic in a world that has none.  This really led to some very fun story telling moments and interesting thematic ideas.
because why wouldn't you translate "queen's huntsman"
into "mayor's sheriff and sex-slave on the side"
I will acknowledge my inner feminist for a moment here and say that I also really really appreciate how kick ass the women are in this show.  Snow White, when accosted at her wedding, draws her husband's sword and stands between him and the evil queen Regina.  Little Red Riding Hood? ...well, I don't want to spoil anything, but I kind of have a woman crush on her.  Even more so do I have on one Belle (but we'll talk more about her a little later).  Cinderella begins as a bit of a ditz, but she really grows and finds her strength.  Even Katherine, a proverbial "other woman" who simply exists to come between the two star-crossed lovers, is a really strong good woman who does her best.  And she may be evil, but you can't get much more hardcore than Regina herself.  And last of all is Emma, who is so unrelentingly tough and sure of herself that I'm able to ignore the fact that she is Cameron from House--a feat not to be sneezed at.  These are not your traditional damsels in distress waiting for their men to come save them.  They can and often do save themselves.  I love that so much.
not only is she maximum hardcore, she is also mind-bogglingly beautiful...sorry
Snow White, but you ain't actually the fairest of them all.  Your besty Red is.
But most of all--above all the other characters and all the good story telling and all the fun plot twists--above all that stands my love for one character.  And that character is Rumpelstiltskin, aka Mr. Gold.
so true.
Oh my gosh Rumpelstiltskin.  Matt and I have given many of the characters in the show nicknames, mostly because Rumpelstiltskin is really hard and long to type and then it was fun to give them to the rest.  I call him Skinner.  Which is a perfect name for him because you really never know if he's going to help you or skin the flesh right off your back.
Skinner...why are you wearing gloves and an apron and carrying a
shovel out here in the middle of the woods??
This character is so delectably ambiguous.  Usually, when a character behaves badly in a show it is one of two options: it is a bad character behaving exactly how we expect him or her to act and is therefore boring or it is a good character acting out of character and really stupidly which is immensely irritating.  But Skinner is neither of these.  Skinner is a deeply self-interested character acting incredibly deviously, powerfully, and intelligently to further his own ends.  And sometimes he is just straight up screwing with your head because he's Rumpelstiltskin and what the heck else do you expect?  I love the fact that at any moment he might betray someone and that I don't have to hate him for it because it's just who he is and what the heck, it may end up that that betrayal is actually going to somehow make everything better (sheriff's election anyone?).  One of the things I love most about him is that he's always completely honest.  He'll straight up tell you that he's screwing with you or that the magic you want from him will ruin your life completely.  But somehow, without ever lying, he manages to constantly play with the people around him and keep them all in the dark.
dude, you found a girl who laughs at your horrible jokes...you keep her!
And, unlike Regina with whom I was initially fascinated but have since come to regard as a lost cause, I can't help feeling like Skinner deserves to ultimately be happy.  Which is why I am dying with anxiety over the upcoming season.  Skinner has an opportunity to be with Belle (a truly genius twist on the Beauty and the Beast tale) and let himself be happy.  I want him to take it so very very badly and I am so terrified that he's going to ruin everything as he has so consistently done for himself.  I am more invested in his relationship with Belle then I am in any other relationship in the entire show.
no matter how much  love him I cannot deny that he is a
super awkward kisser...possibly because he has a frog face?
Rumpelstiltskin, aka Skinner, makes  up at least half of my love for this show.  Despite everything I've said, I really can't fully explain how much I love him and why.  I think it's just how very complex and interesting he is.  I'm always a sucker for an interesting guy--a guy who will never ever bore me no matter how well I  know him.  As evidenced by Skinner, this often leads me to take an interest in really hard guys.  That is something I should probably watch out for in my life, but for now it means that I will keep watching this show as long as it keeps giving me plenty of Skinner.  And I'm pretty sure it will...
how can you not love a man who laughs like this?

Saturday, September 29, 2012

A REALLY Uncomfortable Truth

Historically, I am a total sucker for a good chick flick.  Anyone who has seen my movie collection can tell you that.  But lately I've found my enjoyment of them to be tainted.  Cynicism, mocking, and yes, even a little bitterness have crept in.  This is because chick flicks are a bunch of lies.  

Now, I'm not talking about the relationships themselves.  I am still enough of an idealist that I do believe that two people can fall crazily in love and have a great, soul-mate-esque relationship.  Sure, I don't think it happens in one to seven days, and I think it takes a hell of a lot more work than the movies imply.  But I still believe in love, though that belief has been somewhat abused of late.  

No.  The lie isn't the relationships.  It's the story arc.  The "happily ever after."  The thematic assumption that people are "meant" to be together or that things will "work out in the end."  As the delightful Miss Prism says, "The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily.  That is what fiction means!"

Years of watching these movies, beginning with Cinderella and continuing with He's Just Not That Into You, have taught me one thing: if you want something to work out reeeeeeal bad and you have the patience to wait through all of the (pardon my language) shit then eventually it will happen.  He'll fall in love with you; you'll get exactly the job you've been wanting; your relationship with your mother will suddenly improve without you having to give up your habit of bitterly sarcastic witty banter.  Notice I said "wait" not "wade".  Through little to no effort on your part these miraculous blessings will fall into your lap as a reward for your...what?  Your patience?  Your blind, stubborn stupidity?  

Because guess what people; if you wait long enough the good aren't going to automatically end up happily and the bad unhappily.  That's not the way life works.  Sometimes, no matter how badly you want something and how much you think you deserve it, the world doesn't bend to your will.  He doesn't ever "wake up" and realize you're the girl he's been looking for right here in front of him; Scholastic doesn't discover your resume at the top of the pile and call you up to offer you a job as their editor in chief; and your mother doesn't learn to get over those pesky hurt feelings of hers and appreciate how dang funny you are. 

A lot of my life has been spent waiting for those rewards to come.  Waiting for God or the universe or whoever it is who metes out cosmic justice to notice that I've put my hours in and it's time for things to work out.  Working out is a lie.  It's ironic, really, since I just had a debate with a friend of mine about how much I hate the "it was/wasn't meant to be" philosophy.  As Aunt Woo says to Aang, "you create your own destiny."  Things aren't meant to be or not be.  They just are.

I think the key is recognizing which destiny is which.  Waiting for things in my life to "work out"; suffering through the misery while they were distinctly un-worked...that seemed like me trying to create my own destiny.  But it was just waiting.  Waiting for a destiny I'd picked out for myself and thought I deserved to happen.  Hoping that my "patience" in enduring things that I couldn't actually control would be counted as effort and that I could will my way into the happily ever after that I really wanted.  Picking circumstances isn't quite the same thing as picking destiny.  I can choose to be happy and I can work towards that happiness, but I don't get to pick exactly how it's going to happen.  Wanting it to be this way real bad doesn't mean that it is the way it's going to be.

So I guess it is time for me to give up waiting for things that I may want, but can't actually control.  My circumstances are never going to be changed by my wishing they were different.  And tenaciously hanging on to hopes that have no reason to exist doesn't earn me metaphysical brownie points to eventually be cashed in for karmic prizes.  My life is as it is right now.  I shouldn't resent some of my greatest blessings simply because they aren't quite the ones that I wanted.  Instead I'm going to work on changing myself rather than waiting for the world to change to fit me.  All that energy I put into enduring I'm going to try to redirect into growing.  It's going to be hard, but I'm hopeful.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Birthdays and Blues

It was my birthday this week.  I am officially on the downhill side of my second decade.  I find that I am not especially perturbed. I mean, I had that disturbing moment on WebMD last year where I realized that I was no longer in the 18-24 age range, but since then I've been pretty much fine with my advancing years (and everyone knows WebMD is just a disturbing place anyway).  But then, I've never had a problem with the idea of getting older.  Mine is not a lifestyle that I will struggle to sustain into my old age...
it's all about the sustainable lifestyle!
If you know me very well at all then you know that I dig birthdays in a major way.  Why wouldn't you?  Once a year, having a day set aside simply to celebrate the fact that you exist and that you are you, I can think of nothing better.  If I can get away with it, I actually like to stretch my celebrations out over a week, or at least a weekend.  This year, however, my birthday fell on a Monday--a circumstance I find that I rather dislike.  Birthdays should always be on a Thursday or Friday.  They just should.  Nothing so anticlimactic as wrapping up your party with a prosaic "well...I have to go to work tomorrow so I should go to bed..." 
screw Disneyland.  Everyone knows this is the happiest
place on earth.
Regardless of the unfortunate day upon which it fell, I had an absolutely lovely birthday.  Until now, my birthday has always been an excuse to get the day off of work; however, so much do I love my job that going to work seemed like a perfectly acceptable way for me to spend the bulk of my day.  Helps that my boss also happens to be one of my very favorite people.  Then I came home from work just in time for my self-organized birthday party.  While I appreciate the idea of a surprise party I've ultimately come to the conclusion that I prefer planning my own party.  Because I'm a control freak?  maybe.  Anyway, when you organize your own party you get to make fun stipulations.  Last year I requested that everyone bring me a present, any present at all, provided it was wrapped.  I love unwrapping things! This year I decided that all I wanted was flowers.  Initially I wanted fresh flowers, but upon further reflection I decided that since fresh flowers can be expensive, not to mention I love when people get creative, I would take any sort of flowers.  Except the nasty fake silk flowers.  Because those are gross.
these flowers are an insult to real flowers everywhere.  
I received some really beautiful flowers, predominantly fresh or made of paper.  Though there was one knitted one for me to clip in my hair.  But even better, a whole bunch of people who I love very much all came to my house and talked to me and each other and ate this cake that was made for me by my lovely roommate Callie.  And then we played the What If game, which is one of my absolute favorite games ever.  And then, though I wasn't originally planning on it, I had a mini blues party in my kitchen and danced with Griffin, John, and Caleb.  It was delightful in every possible way.
technically this is John dancing with me last year
but I very lamely forgot to take pictures this year...
And that is going to be my super smooth segue into the other half of this post.  Which is going to be about blues.  Which is why this post is called "Birthdays and Blues".  Should I continue to elaborate on this?

I went blues dancing tonight.  I didn't go last week because blues has been somewhat....less than fulfilling lately.  And I just didn't want to go and pay $5 to be less than fulfilled.  But this week there was a competition that I was maybe almost going to compete in.  Not to mention it is that wonderful time of year known as BIRTHDAY JAM!  Alas, I neither competed nor did I get a birthday jam (maybe next week?).  But what I did get was some absolutely marvelous dancing!  
aw man...homemade bread and jam!  Want!
My "on" nights are fewer and farther between these days.  I have been dancing long enough that I rarely get compliments any more.  So when both of those things happen it really makes my night.  And tonight I had both.  I realized I was going to pull John off at one point and actually managed to gain my balance and push him back on his so that we just kept right on going.  It was a beautiful moment and we both gave each other the "ohmygoshthatwasawesome!" face.  Mike Dymond said that he is always impressed at how "good your direction changes are! Dang!"  And Spencer asked me if I was in a good mood or if I was just feeling creative because the move I had just done (a backwards dip I've never in my life even thought about attempting before) was a "stroke of genius".  
I adore this picture!  Found here, this is more or
less what I did with Spencer
I don't list these compliments as a sort of litany of vanity.  Ok, maybe a little bit.  But I was proud of that moment with John, dangit!  But more importantly, I'm attempting to convey the feeling a spectacular night of dancing will give you.  If you have never experienced it it is very difficult to appreciate the joy that is connecting with another person and sharing a physical conversation in movement with them.  The ability to communicate is one of my favorite and most prized, and words are the joy of my life.  But to set words aside and find a line of communication underneath is thrilling and beautiful.  When you can feel you and your partner creating the perfect compliment to each other--feeling the movement and intention of his body and your body somehow moves you with him--the two of you are living, dancing, art.  As corny as that may sound. 

As someone who has little to no physical contact with people in my day to day life it's almost impossible to overstate how much a night like tonight means to me.  It reconnects me to the world.  After a week of lurking in my bedroom staring at my computer, going out and connecting with three or five or ten people at blues reconnects me to life.  It brings me out of myself.  

That's what will always keep me coming back for more.  

Saturday, September 22, 2012

T-Rex...are you talking about pals?

So...friends.  They're kind of awesome.  And by kind of I mean totally and completely.

But really.  Think about it.

You have your family, right?  People who are sort of genetically predisposed to care about you.  You may get along with them, you may not, but they're family.  Most of the time they're always sort of in your corner. It's basically their job.

Then there's significant others.  T-Rex is right, of course, that significant others are just special friends who you get to kiss and tell secrets to.  But really, that's the thing.  With a significant other there's a whole bunch of different levels to that relationship.  There are things you expect them to give you and they expect you to give them.  And if you don't get and give those things then you or them might decide you're not so significant to each other after all.  Or maybe you give and get just the right things and you decide you're the most significant other ever.  Then you become married and that's its own thing altogether.

But then there's friends.  Friends are not your family; they are not people who kind of just have to love you because of your shared genetics.  And they're not your significant others so they don't get the benefits that go with that relationship either.

Friends, or "pals" as T-Rex likes to call them, are the completely random people who you come across in life that have absolutely no connection to you, but you love them and they love you back.  For no reason really, besides the fact that they just like you.
That's what fascinates me about friendship.  It is a relationship that really and truly is built on nothing more than the merit of its participants.  You don't have what T-Rex might call "sexy times" to reinforce your relationship.  You don't have some sort of rigid connection holding you with this person--no "I have to forgive him because he's my brother/uncle/cousin/whatever."  All you have is the fact that, for whatever reason, you really really care about that person.  And it is surprising to me how many people there are for whom that is quite enough for both of us.

I have so many awesome friends.  Sometimes I am overswept with an awareness of just how many absolutely wonderful people there are in my life.  People who, not only do I care about immensely, but who I know also care about me.  I don't think there is any way I could express how much that knowledge means to me.  Suffice it to say, when I think of my friends I feel so much gratitude to them, so much love, and so much happiness that I've been so lucky as to meet them.  And I'm always a little bit surprised that such awesome people enjoy hanging out with me. :)

and so many more...

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Cheaters never prosper, but sometimes procrastinators do

Thanks to Obamacare I have been granted a few extra years of "free" insurance from my parents.  As of Monday, when I turn 26 years old, that insurance shall be no more.  Suddenly struck with the imminence of this catastrophe, and the realization that the hole that appeared in my tooth a couple of weeks ago certainly wasn't going to fix itself, I made haste to call a dentist.
get it?  Bennetttttt!  D'you get it?
I actually had realized that I needed to to make this appointment a month or two ago but had spent the intervening weeks somewhere between ostrich-like denial and paralyzing indecision as to which dentist I should trust with my mouth.  
yes...very much like this man...
It was at about 1:30 am last Saturday night (or Sunday morning?) when I was struck with the revelatory answer to my problem: my friend Jarom's dad is a dentist!  If I was the sort of person who did things like sit bolt up in bed when I get an idea then I would have sat bolt up in bed.  Instead, I was just consumed with anxiety and obsession; I must call Jarom in the morning!  What if he doesn't answer his phone?  Don't think about that...just think about calling him.  I have to call him!  I cannot forget to call Jarom in the morning!  At 1:45 am it seemed like a legitimate fear that either I would forget to make this call or that Jarom would somehow refuse to answer his phone when I called him and my mouth would be doomed forever.  As luck would have it, I happened to see Jarom walking right in front of me out of the Marriott Center after Regional Conference the next day rendering all my anxiety the night before unnecessary.  
pretty sure this is what my face looked like laying there in my bed 
What were the chances that I was going to be able to get in to see the dentist to fix my shattered tooth in a week?  I didn't kid myself that they were very good.  I called with little hope of success.  A woman named Nan answered the phone and I explained to her my situation.  
"Well, we have an emergency appointment opening today at noon.  Would that be alright?"  Um, yes.  Yes, Nan, that would be the most amazing thing ever.  

From that moment everything went as smoothly as was possible for it to go.  I came in for my appointment that day and met Dr. Youngquist, whose knowledge of Target employees and possession of a miniature AT-AT put me completely at ease.  
behold the irresistibly adorable artwork of James Hance.
Buy some of his stuff!  Go on, do it!
Dr. Youngquist took a look at my x-rays (and totally gave me a printout of them! score!) and referred me to Dr. Jenson at Cascade Endodontics to get a root canal.  Nan called them up for me, explained my time constraint, and came back and asked me if the next day would work.  Then she explained that Dr. Youngquist would be coming in Thursday morning (I found out later that this is a special trip as he usually only works Mondays and Tuesdays) to put in my permanent filling and crown.  They explain that, though the crown will take a mold which won't be ready for a couple of weeks, they'll be sure to bill it out on Thursday.  

So yesterday I went to my appointment with Dr. Jenson and experienced the fastest, most efficient root canal ever.  I was, no joke, in and out of the entire building in an hour, give or take 5 minutes.  Like, paperwork, waiting for the dentist, waiting on the numbface, paying, every single thing.  And the dental assistant gave me Dr. Jenson's personal cell number so that, should I have any sort of problem after business hours, I could call him for help.   And...when I asked the receptionist if they could hold off cashing my check till next week when I'd have my next paycheck she was 100% cool with it.  I came home and discovered a message from Dr. Vogel's office about setting up an appointment for today (Wednesday) to get my teeth cleaned.  
Thank you Allie Brosh for giving this to the internet for all it's cleaning needs...
Teeth cleaning happened with Greg, a softspoken (seriously--I could barely hear anything he said) birdlike man, and as I was leaving Jarom's dad made a point of coming out and introducing himself, bless him.  And this evening I got a call from Dr. Jenson just to check on me and make sure that I was doing well.  Tomorrow I will go in and see Dr. Youngquist again to finish everything up and get my crown.  
probably not a crown like this...just a guess
I have to say, out of a lifetime of surprisingly good dental experiences, this has definitely been one of the best.    I've got dentists calling me after hours to make sure I'm ok.  I've got other dentists coming in to work specially to get me all fixed up.  I am on a first name basis with Nan at the front desk.  Three days ago I was stressing out that my mouth was falling apart and would never be ok again ever!  Tonight I'm going to sleep with no other worry than the fact that it's 1 am and I have to be at their office by 8.  Which means I should wrap this up.  

So to finish, I want to put a recommendation for Vogel Dental and Cascade Endodontics out there. If you're in the Provo/Salt Lake area and you're looking for someone trustworthy to work on your mouth they are your people.  They're not paying me to write this, by the way (though if you guys want to send a little money my way for this totally blatant endorsement I'm down with that... *winkwink*).  I just wanted to document my superlatively good experience because good people deserve to be complimented.